sex in marriage

Here are my personal feelings about sex, I believe sex should be between a man and woman who are legally married.  In the context of marriage, sex becomes marital intimacy. Imagine, you’ve married your best friend, you’ve committed everything you have to this person, you love them, and trust them. Sex is a means of communication, it’s sharing something so personal with someone you love. Because it’s used as a way of communication, take the time to learn about each other’s bodies, ask questions, and adjust to help each other have a good experience.

I feel strongly that sex should only be shared within the bounds of marriage because it’s safer. Think of a fire, when it’s contained within the bounds of a fireplace or fire-pit, it can be used for heat, to cook food, and other things. When fire has no bounds or limits, it can be destructive and devastating. Several chemicals in your brain are released when you have intercourse. Both men and women release serotonin, a chemical that helps you feel like everything is going to be okay and dopamine, a chemical that makes you feel happy. Women release one more chemical after intercourse called, oxytocin, or the bonding chemical. Sex is bonding, for women especially, and if you’re using sex just for sex, not only will you be unhappy but you will be unfulfilled.

Sex is a way to say I love you without using words. We use communication as a way to get to know others better. It helps us to understand our partner’s needs and feelings. Communication is back and forth; each person has to be present and willing to share or it doesn’t work. It can’t be forced, you have to learn how to communicate with each other. Practice and adjustment is part of it. The more you learn about each other and how to best reach climax together the happier and more connected you will feel.

         Take the time to know your spouse’s body. By that I mean, read books, ask questions, if something isn’t working correctly, get help. Sexual intimacy unfortunately can become a burden on one’s spouse if you aren’t working together to make it an enjoyable experience for the both of you. Women are more likely to feel unsatisfied, mainly because they don’t know their body as well and they don’t know how to lead their husbands. If this is your experience, be patient, seek help if necessary, but don’t give up.   

         I hope men and women can feel empowered through marital intimacy. There’s a lot of stuff in the media about sex and for a single woman like me, it sometimes feels daunting, even scary. I used the word sex a lot throughout this post, but it really comes down to the connection between husband and wife. I think the happiest married couples are those who are committed to each other. They want the best for each other, they are loving, and supportive. How do you think our world would be different if we viewed sex differently?

         In conclusion, I believe that sex should be between a man and a woman who are legally married. Sex outside of marriage, like untamed fire can be destructive and dangerous. Communication is a big part of having enjoyable intercourse, because you are working to fulfill each other’s needs and you can grow closer by doing so. Learn what you can about each other’s bodies, ask questions and get help if need be. Sex is a way to say I love you, so make sure you take care you are with the one you’ve committed to love for the rest of your days.