Divorce

Growing up I didn’t personally know anyone who had been divorced. I had a few friends whose parents were divorced, but it wasn’t anything I ever asked them about. My parents believe in working things through, they would always say divorce wasn’t an option for them. Divorce is something I don’t understand. I’m fortunate that most of my relatives have remained married, until recently I didn’t really see the devastation that broken marriages can bring.

The first encounter I got to personally know a family who had gone through divorce was while serving as a missionary for my church. This family was broken. The mom was a drug addict who had a steady stream of different men coming in and out of the house. The dad had been recently released from jail and was on probation. Their girls had three places they could stay at: mom’s apartment, maternal grandmother’s house, and dad’s mobile home. There were many problems within the home, and I often felt the children were the ones who suffered the most. I so wished for the girls to have a better home, but unfortunately their parents weren’t capable of providing such care.

Divorce isn’t the only thing that separates families, I understand there are many different circumstances that affect the family situation, but this post is to focus on responsible individuals who have been divorced but are able to come together still and have a happy family life.

One of the last areas in my mission, I met a family who was able to form a new life together after divorce. When I met them they no longer had any kids at home. One day we were helping with a project in their home, the wife, Kristy shared the story of how they met. She had been a single mom for a few years and had newly started a job at a fish hatchery. It was there that she met John. They became friends at work, and started helping each other with different projects. They eventually married, and together they made new traditions. John as the new dad in the home, let Kristy handle the punishments for her children, but he made a strong point to support his wife in her decisions and did all he could to be supportive to his new children. Together they created a new home, it wasn’t always easy but they each made sure to watch out for one another.

In class, we talked a lot about the importance of blending these broken families together. It takes a lot of work and commitment, especially on the parents’ part, but it’s manageable, it’s possible. I was grateful for the class this week because as I mentioned before I don’t understand this subject. The insight I gained helped me to see that life is possible after devastation.

In conclusion, this post was to talk about hope after your family has been broken. There’s always a choice in how you’re going to move forward. Learn from your mistakes. Apologize when you hurt others, and do what you can to heal when you have been hurt.

Parenting: a note to my kids

            To my children

I think about you often. I don’t have you yet, but to me, you are everything. You’re the reason I get up in the morning, the reason I’m doing all I can to be ready to raise you up to all you can become. I am your mother, your protector, your confidant, and friend. I will be there for you to pick you up when you fall, to wipe your tears when you cry, and hold you when you are scared.

I love you and I always will.

            Our home will be a place of safety, and refuge from the world around you. We’re going to be a council, that means everyone in our home has a say and each person’s thoughts are valued. Your dad and I will lead and guide each of you and help you in every way we can.

            When you make mistakes or do something wrong, I won’t yell at you or make you feel small. We’ll look at the problem together to see why it was wrong and how we could do better.

I’m setting goals and learning what kind of mom I want to be, so when I have you, you’ll be able to rely on me.

            I often picture our home and it’s full to the brim with our lives. I’ll be the first to get up in the morning, we’ll each get ready for our day then have breakfast together before we go to our different activities. Your dad or I will take you to school. I take care to clean our house and make it a place where everyone feels welcomed and loved. When you come home from school I’ll have snacks for you. We’ll have fruits and vegetables, I’ll give you special treats occasionally, just know I’ll feed you food that is going to help you grow healthy and strong. Together we’ll work on your homework, if we can’t figure it out together we’ll find a tutor to help us out. Our family likes to read, and we take time to do so. The books on our shelves have been loved, some pages have been colored on, but we know the stories and we often tell them to each other. My music will often fill our home, you’ll learn the words to some of my favorite songs and one day, even find some of your own tunes.

            Your dad and I are a team. You will often see us together at the dinner table going over our budget to see how we can best use our means to support our family. We love each other, and you’ll often see us conversing together, always improving and working towards the goals that we have as parents.

            We’re a religious family. I think the most important lesson you can gain from our home is that you are a child of God and he loves you very much.

            There’s a poem I found when I was younger and I’ll read it to you one day. It starts at the home, the path is strewn with lavender bushes, there are kittens playing in the yard and you can see the sun as it goes down. Inside, the walls are covered with photos of us. The kids are each asleep in their beds. The house creaks a lullaby as mom and dad sit close together by the fireplace, reminiscing about their day.

            One day we’ll meet and I’m going to do all I can to help you become who you were meant to be. Overall just know that I love you, more than you know. For now, I’m learning all I can to be a good mom.